Well I looked and looked and looked. Its not the first time I have not been able to recall exactly what i said where. So lets begin.
Jesus delivered a message on how a soul incarnates. And in that explanation he tells us the soul creates a spirit body which encloses the soul, and that spirit body going forward reflects the soul's condition, although it also mimics the human form. He tells us that the soul is not made of any material at all, so it cannot be discerned or seen or detected by material means. He further tells us that "most" advanced spirits cannot "see" a soul that does not have a spirit body around it, and it is the spirit body they see.
This message is here: http://new-birth.net/tgrabjvol1/bible35.htm
and this one is good too: http://new-birth.net/ntr/revelation20.htm
(There is a page that has many good messages on the soul: http://new-birth.net/misc.htm
Now what we learn is that the PURPOSE of coming here is to "individualise". So you and I are "individualised". I guess we can almost understand what that means, but you now have to try and understand what it might mean to be un-incarnated, and not individualised. And thats hard. We have been told that the soul does know God, it does know its soul-mate (see http://new-birth.net/tgrabjvol2/soulmates7.htm
) and it is in a state of bliss. It does not have a "material mind" which is what you and I live by, because that is part of the spirit body. We do know that we can grow a "soul mind" but this is as a result of some serious spiritual development, and these are baby souls we are talking about, so we cannot have a "soul mind" at that stage. And even if we did, its not in any way like our material mind. It does not use logic, its more of an emotion processing machine.
So any notion that a soul spends time planning what will happen to it on earth is not, on the face of it, possible. It is obvious however that God has a detailed plan for every single soul, and if we "throw the dice right" (actually take a serious spiritual bent during our life) we should be able to understand what that plan is. But for most of us on the DL path, this has only come into our consciousness after many years on the path. And most of us humans do not carry out God's plan.
We also understand that in choosing a foetus, the soul does not take account of any material circumstances of that family. It is only concerned if the foetus will survive, because its risking its "earth life potentials" if it does not. So I gather it "tests" the foetus to decide if it will sustain life, and only incarnates when it believes it will. The soul is actually the life force for that foetus, so this seems quite logical to me. That message I cannot find. I think it was from Amada Reza (Amy Bolton).
Here is another one on the soul and emotions: http://new-birth.net/contemporary/ar65.htm